


Clarity

by thilia



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-05
Updated: 2009-12-05
Packaged: 2017-10-28 23:44:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/313479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thilia/pseuds/thilia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Justin has a problem and needs to get to the bottom of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Clarity

Justin had a problem. It had been bugging him for weeks and he knew that something had to be done about it for him to be able to move on. He didn't like leaving problems unsolved, and even though the nature of this particular problem was new to him, he was aware that he would have to get to the bottom of it sooner rather than later.

His problem was called Cedric Diggory. For the first few years of Justin's time at Hogwarts, Cedric had been just another boy. He was older, he was handsome, he was smart, and loved by everyone. Justin had always been aware of his existence as it was hard to ignore it most of the time but he had never paid more attention to Cedric than strictly necessary.

In his fourth year at Hogwarts, everything changed. One night at dinner, their eyes had met for the briefest moment and without knowing why, Justin had found himself admiring the colour of the older boy's eyes. They were grey; like the thick, dark clouds on a rainy autumn day. There was nothing too unusual about that colour, so it took a while for Justin to figure out why exactly he couldn't stop thinking about the other boy's eyes.

Soon, Cedric Diggory's eyes weren't the only things Justin was thinking about, and it was getting nearly impossible for him to concentrate on his studies when the older boy's face – and body – wouldn't leave his mind. Instead of trying to ignore this nagging feeling, he found himself actively thinking about Cedric, and watching him.

Whenever he passed him in the common room or a random corridor on his way to class, Justin would admire Cedric's graceful moves, or how he brushed his hair out of his eyes when he laughed with his friends. Justin started going to Quidditch matches, just to be able to explore his strange feelings further. He developed an actual dislike for Cho Chang after he realised that Cedric seemed to like her.

And then one night, as he was trying to polish up his Potions essay, it hit him. Suddenly it was so obvious that Justin wondered why it had taken him this long to figure it out.

He had a crush on Cedric Diggory. It was the only explanation that made sense to him. It explained why it had been so hard to concentrate on his education lately, why it bothered him so much when Cedric flashed Cho Chang that annoyingly adorable smile whenever he met her, and why everything the older boy did seemed to make Justin's heart race and why his cheeks flushed and his stomach fluttered whenever Cedric looked his way.

Justin fell asleep with a smile on his face that night because he finally had a starting point. He would have to confront Cedric, and while the idea of being close to him and actually talking to him made his palms clammy and his brain fuzzy, he knew that there was no other way.

Finding a way to talk to Cedric alone wasn't difficult. After some research, Justin found out that Cedric excelled at every subject at school, and while the same was the case for Justin, an idea formed in his head immediately. One night after dinner, Justin approached Cedric in the common room about needing help with a particularly difficult translation in Ancient Runes, and was relieved when Cedric agreed to tutor him at once.

Three days later, they were sitting in the library at a table covered with various Ancient Runes books, several scrolls of parchment and numerous quills. Pretending he didn't know what Cedric was talking about turned out to be surprisingly easy because Justin actually _didn't_ get anything Cedric was explaining to him patiently. He was too busy watching the other boy's lips move in that sensual way, his tongue darting out every once in a while to moisten said lips.

"Justin?"

Unaware that Cedric was still talking to him, Justin continued staring at the other boy with big, dreamy eyes before he suddenly realised that Cedric had noticed he wasn't paying attention. He blinked and blushed furiously, trying not to look too embarrassed and trying to cover it by coughing loudly. "Sorry. What?"

Cedric furrowed his brow for the briefest moment, giving Justin a curious, questioning look. "Are you even listening to me?"

Trying to be cool – which Justin had never been very good at – he flashed Cedric a smile and rubbed the back of his neck. "Sure! I just think I need a break. We've been at it for nearly an hour and I think I might need some fresh air."

Cedric returned his smile and leaned back, brushing his hair behind his ear like Justin had seen him do so many times before, and glanced at his watch. "Wow, an hour already?" He looked back up at Justin. "Well, you go ahead, get some air. Don't stay out too long, though. I have Quidditch practice tonight and I think we're going to be here for a while. You don't seem to understand any of this."

Justin's face fell in disappointment when he realised that Cedric wasn't going to join him for a walk, and he tried to think quickly. "Why don't you take a break as well?" he asked cautiously, chewing on his bottom lip. "I think I'm actually trying to understand how to do the translation; maybe I just need some more time to think about it on my own, you know? Besides, you look like you could use a break as well. Wouldn't you like to join me outside for a few moments?"

He tried not to look too hopeful as he waited for Cedric's answer, and failed. His heart stopped for a moment when he saw Cedric's resolve crumble, and when he finally agreed, it took all of Justin's willpower to stop himself from jumping up in joy.

Pulling on their cloaks, they made their way outside in silence and walked to the lake. The crisp winter air felt unexpectedly good on Justin's heated cheeks and as they reached the lake, he closed his eyes, inhaling deeply and feeling the tensions in his muscles ease off as his lungs filled with the cool air.

He slid both hands into his pockets and fisted the fabric of his robe as he turned to Cedric, knowing that he couldn't let the moment pass. "Are you seeing Cho Chang?" he asked hesitantly, trying to pretend he was just making small talk while his entire body went rigid in anticipation of the other boy's answer.

Cedric had apparently been deep in thought and he needed to blink a few times before he could focus his attention back on Justin. "What?" he laughed, raising both eyebrows in surprise at that seemingly random question. He watched Justin's face for a few moments before turning his gaze back to the still, dark lake. Justin kept watching him and his heart leapt when Cedric shook his head almost unnoticeably. "I don't know. Not really," Cedric finally spoke as he absentmindedly stared at the huge trees on the other side of the lake. "She asked me out a couple of times. I might take her up on her offer but... I don't know."

Justin watched him look down at his shoes and frowned, about to say something when Cedric continued. "People expect me to date her, you know? She's a nice girl. Pretty, I suppose. Everyone thinks she would be the perfect girlfriend for me." He frowned and looked over at Justin in question. "How come everyone always thinks they know what's best for you?" It was an actual question and Justin just raised his eyebrows in answer. He'd been wondering the same thing many times before; his parents and friends – everyone always seemed to want to get involved in his life and influence his choices.

Justin was silent for several seconds, expecting Cedric to continue his musings. When he just trailed off and went back to staring at the lake, Justin shrugged. "They love you and want you to do what's right?" he suggested, swaying back and forth on his heels. "Even though what they consider right might not be what you want." He gave another weak shrug. "You shouldn't let them tell you what to do. What do _you_ want?"

He glanced over at Cedric once again, watching his brows knit together in thought, then continued hesitantly. "So you don't want to date her? Do you want someone else?"

Cedric blinked and looked back at him, and it became obvious that he was starting to wonder why Justin was so interested in this topic. Giving him a reassuring smile as he pretended to just try to be helpful, Justin felt his heart constrict in his chest. If Cedric were interested in him, he would have said something already, or at least given him some sort of sign. Right? He swallowed hard as he tried not to let his disappointment show, continuing to watch Cedric intently.

"I don't want to date her," Cedric said finally, and Justin felt the corners of his mouth hitch upwards at the relieved sigh Cedric let out, apparently glad he'd finally said it. "There is no one else. I'm just not interested. Maybe she's not my type."

Justin knew he was probably reading too much into that last sentence. The fact that Cho Chang wasn't Cedric's type didn't have to mean that he liked boys. It merely meant that Cedric liked another type of girl. Maybe he preferred blondes. Or redheads; and that thought produced the sudden image of Cedric holding Ginny Weasley in his arms and it took all of Justin's power of will to force it back out of his brain. But even though Cedric might be into girls despite not being interested in one of the prettier females at Hogwarts, Justin felt unable to just let it go and allowed himself to hope.

As he watched the almost painful expression on Cedric's face, he felt that it was his duty to help the other boy figure out what – or who – he wanted. His motives were purely altruistic, of course. There was nothing in it for him. Nope. Not at all.

All right, maybe there was something in it for him. But he kept telling himself that the main reason for wanting to do this was to help Cedric feel less pressured. Not only Cedric – himself, as well. What he was about to do would give both of them clarity, so he obviously had to do it. And he wanted to get that almost haunted look off the other boy's face. The fact that he would get to be even closer to Cedric than he was right now was just a bonus.

It took a moment for Justin to build up the courage, and another moment to get his body to obey him. Cedric was still deep in thought, so he didn't have the time to move away or protest. He didn't see Justin take a deep breath, and turn towards him, and step in front of him. It wasn't until Justin's fingers brushed his chin, tilting his face down that he realised that something was about to happen.

Before Justin had the opportunity to change his mind or go over the many reasons why this could be a bad idea, he leaned forward and gently pressed his lips against the other boy's. His heart jumped at the first brush of lips and he felt his brain shut down completely as he tilted his face just a little to deepen the soft, innocent kiss.

Trying to ignore the painful beating of his heart beneath his ribs, Justin brought one hand up to cup the back of Cedric's neck while he slid the other one up Cedric's arm, holding him lightly as he parted his lips to kiss him more fully. He felt a strand of Cedric's hair brush his nose and suppressed a smile. Not wanting to gross Cedric out, he just let his lips linger on the older boy's for a few more minutes and finally drew back, keeping his eyes closed as their noses brushed.

As it turned out, Cedric was not interested in him. He wasn't into boys in general. But Justin never regretted kissing him that day, and he didn't blame Cedric for not wanting him either. Not only had that one kiss given him the clarity he'd been looking for, it had also caused a deep, life-long friendship to grow between him and Cedric. Cedric never blamed Justin for kissing him. They had talked about everything some time after that significant day – after Justin's embarrassment had faded away enough for him to be able to look at Cedric without blushing and cringing at his own stupidity. They had discussed everything at length, and along with his embarrassment and horror at his actions, Justin's crush on Cedric had gone away. He still liked boys, yes, and after many months of angsting about it, he came out to his parents, his friends and the world, knowing that he couldn't have done it without Cedric by his side, supporting him every step of the way.


End file.
